Do It Afraid

Listen, starting a business is not for the faint of heart. It’s DEFINITELY not designed for people with anxiety. Now, before you guys chew me out over that statement, hear me out. Think about it. Constant deadlines, networking events, content creation, business supplies, constant outflow of money, clients/patients/general public. All things that would make someone like me, who has anxiety and depression, go, absolutely not. However, I still do it and I do it afraid. 

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) at 21 years old during my junior year of college in 2019. I had recently lost my pawpaw, went through a devastating breakup, and had come face to face with a life changing experience I never thought I’d have. All of which were the perfect cocktail to cause my high functioning mind to give up. My symptoms were riddled with panic attacks, heart palpitations, fear of social interactions, and constant tension headaches that changed my happy, bubbly, and adventurous self, into someone who was constantly and overtly worried about everything. I always thought about how I was perceived, what my future looked like moving forward, and would I survive it. Grieving the version of myself I thought I’d always know, made my anxiety have great company in depression.

When I started my business, it was after my GAD diagnosis. Back then, I wanted to fulfill my dream of owning my own business doing what I loved. Fitness. Nutrition. Health. Mindfulness. The process of getting started was difficult. From filing paperwork, buying equipment, investing into quality content creation, and finding anyone who would let me transform their bodies into what they yearned for. I’ll never forget my first few clients who I helped by returning them to a sport they loved or even piquing their love for fitness. I’ll also never forget the friends I made along the way who continued to encourage my growth, record my videos, and even be in some of them during that time. However, none of them knew the challenges I was facing behind the scenes to make my dreams a reality.

In between the fun of beginning my business, was the worry of how it would be received, especially by my peers. How would I find clients? How would I find my niche, and how much should I charge? I was deathly afraid of how I would execute my goals and how I could find the courage to return to a version of myself I had lost. Being bubbly, outgoing, and trusting my instincts and knowledge to find and keep clients was a struggle. I was constantly questioning my worth and intelligence in the field. Then I was constantly comparing myself to other influencers, trying to figure out what they had that I didn’t. Despite the support I had, I felt very alone in this game. I felt tired, stressed, and constantly fearful of what I would do if my business wasn’t successful.

During the pandemic, I gained the most confidence in what I was doing. That was the year that I started Physical Therapy school and helped me put more focus on my content creation. The pandemic was the perfect medium to begin building thick skin for how I could improve and grow my business. Content creation was an emerging tool and I wanted to use it. I spent my time studying the type of fitness content that was consumed, how to get brand deals, and performed outreach on every social media platform I had. I was determined to use the pandemic to create my brand, JP Fitness.

As I matriculated through my PT program and posted more content, I felt more and more secure in my model. I started to branch out into doing live workouts on Instagram, selling virtual workout plans and nutrition guides; I even made my own hat and wrist brand to sell. Now, some things I did too early without having a consistent clientele, however I could slowly feel my fear leaving my body. I had finally begun to gain paying clients in person and virtually and everything seemed like it was looking up. Then 3 years later, PT school came to an end, I passed my National Physical Therapy Exam, got a new job and decided to pick up my life and move to Los Angeles, CA. Moving to LA felt like returning to square one. At least that’s how I thought about it for the past two years. I had no clients, I was inconsistent with content, and I no longer had my build up of equipment. A part of me was grateful for the new start. An opportunity for me to begin again in a place where no one knew me. However, my anxiety changed from how I would be perceived to those around me, to how I would make it in such a large city where I was a spec and no one knew me.

My first two years in LA I did not position myself at all for success. I let my fear get the best of me and prevent me from doing much outside of content creation. Honestly, I barely did that. Only posting here and there and occasionally telling people about my business. I also spent a lot of energy trying to find comfortability in my work schedule. When I say I didn't position myself, I mean I flopped, severely. I had been in rooms with some great people. Other entrepreneurs, professional athletes, TV personalities, musicians, and the like. Do you think I promoted myself? Told people who I was? No, not at all. I had somehow convinced myself that mentioning my business on the first meeting was inauthentic and made me look desperate, so I kept it under wraps. It wasn’t until I started to feel sorry for myself that I knew I needed a change. I also had conversations with other entrepreneurs who inspired and encouraged me to go all in with trusting myself, my brand, and my service. It wasn’t until then that I learned that there is a way to be genuine and ask for what you need. There is a way to be authentic and promote your accomplishments and services. I didn’t need to water myself down and shrink. I need to be loud, upfront, and unwavering in what I have to provide. That changed the game for me.

Fast forward to my current headspace, where I still feel fear walking into any hotel to hand out my business cards or leaving my business cards at the front desk of apartments in DTLA. I just continue to tell myself “imposter syndrome is taking a backseat this year” and lean into discomfort. I still have moments of procrastination, I still have episodes of depression and anxiety that cause me to feel worry and fear about what I’m doing, will it work, and how am I going to continue to grow. However, prioritizing tasks, being confident about my service, and pushing myself to network through workshops, community service, and casual outings has helped me develop into the business owner I deserve to be that I couldn’t be at 20/21 years old. I continue to show up; Afraid or fearless. Tired or refreshed. Confident or questionable. I only hope to continue growing and developing that bulletproof confidence and work ethic that will continue to inspire others and ultimately help me grow.

So if you’re struggling in business or looking to lean into entrepreneurship. there will always be worry and fear about where you’re going, but you’ll never know until you try. All I can say as a fellow entrepreneur walking this with you, do it afraid.